Not a Viable Pregnancy...
5:48 PM Edit This 4 Comments »So today was my first ultrasound, and what a roller coaster it has been. After a couple weeks of fantastic beta numbers (124, 253, 897, 2734) we went in this morning fully expecting to hear a heartbeat, if not two. Not only did we not hear a heartbeat, but there was no yolk sac, just a gestational sac.
When the doctor first started the transvaginal ultrasound, his first comment was "I think I might see two!" After looking further and speculating that one was perhaps hiding, he concluded that there was only one clear sac and not two. I'm thinking, "Okay, we can deal with one, one is good." Then he expressed his concern about not seeing a yolk sac. When he concluded he said that we can do another ultrasound in a week, but just didn't feel that this would be a viable pregnancy. He proceeded to discuss whether or not to let my body miscarry naturally or take some drug that helps it accomplish it faster.
Talk about a roller coaster! Literally within 5 minutes we start off hearing "There might be two!" to "I don't want to be overly optimistic" to "You are going to miscarry."
I am so numb and frustrated and feeling like a failure. I keep wondering what I did wrong - of course that is irrational and I know that there is nothing I did wrong and I am not a failure. And I am frustrated at the doctor. I wish he would have kept his big mouth shut until he knew actually realized what he was looking at. And to just go into plans for miscarriage... Good lord, give a couple a chance to breath!
I go back in Friday. I guess there is a chance of something happening here... At this point though I don't even want to hope. Hope just makes it hurt worse.
When the doctor first started the transvaginal ultrasound, his first comment was "I think I might see two!" After looking further and speculating that one was perhaps hiding, he concluded that there was only one clear sac and not two. I'm thinking, "Okay, we can deal with one, one is good." Then he expressed his concern about not seeing a yolk sac. When he concluded he said that we can do another ultrasound in a week, but just didn't feel that this would be a viable pregnancy. He proceeded to discuss whether or not to let my body miscarry naturally or take some drug that helps it accomplish it faster.
Talk about a roller coaster! Literally within 5 minutes we start off hearing "There might be two!" to "I don't want to be overly optimistic" to "You are going to miscarry."
I am so numb and frustrated and feeling like a failure. I keep wondering what I did wrong - of course that is irrational and I know that there is nothing I did wrong and I am not a failure. And I am frustrated at the doctor. I wish he would have kept his big mouth shut until he knew actually realized what he was looking at. And to just go into plans for miscarriage... Good lord, give a couple a chance to breath!
I go back in Friday. I guess there is a chance of something happening here... At this point though I don't even want to hope. Hope just makes it hurt worse.
I just don't get it. My mind cannot wrap around why my numbers could be SO strong - perfect really- and it not develop into an embryo. The gestational sac was there- WHY wold the yolk sac not develop?
P.S. Please feel free to leave comments, etc. on this blog site. But I don't really want a lot of calls right now (immediate family excluded). Every time I have to rehash it with people and explain it all over I feel nauseous. I just need time to process. :)
4 comments:
Rick & Gena,
I've read this over and over. I don't get it either... I don't know what to say but I wanted you guys to know that I read it and I'm thinking of you :)
Love, Chrissy
Thank you Chrissy! Your love is felt and appreciated. :)
Love you Gena!! We are thinking and praying for you both!!!
Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what else to say. Love you guys <3
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