A Gemini's Life

I am so proud of myself this week. Sunday afternoon I took stock of everything that was in my cupboards, pantry fridge and freezer. I then planned out my meals for a week... I even prepped most of it that afternoon!
Monday Dinner: I had some chicken breasts thawed. I also had some leftover Tangy Mango Thyme sauce. So, on Sunday, I threw it in the crock pot and added some cooking wine. Served it with couscous and green beans; over the beans I drizzled my secret sauce. (A secret because Rick can never know the ingredients- he LOVES this dressing and has no idea that one of the ingredients is something he detests!)
Tuesday Dinner: On Sunday I made up some turkey burgers. I had dinner rolls in the freezer to use for buns, so I made the burgers small. I broiled the burgers until almost the point of perfection, so that when I heated them up in the toaster oven on Tuesday, it would be cooked to perfection. Again, used an ingredient that Rick hates. He told me four times how much he LOVED these turkey burgers.
Wednesday Dinner: Tuna steaks grilled. I didn't have to prep anything for this on Sunday. Just rub some freshly ground pepper into the steak and grilled for 3 minutes on each side on high to medium high. Served this with broccoli (again with the secret dressing drizzled on top) and white rice.
So at this point I don't have the rest of the meals prepped... But I know what I will be making. It's still all planned!
This is one of my new goals: To plan meals each week, ensuring healthy eating and not overspending on ingredients I never end up using or on take out! My inspiration is my friend Katy. She works constantly and has a young child, and yet every week she plans her meals out and preps it ALL in one day. She not only plans out dinners, but lunches for herself, her child, and her husband. She buys fruits and vegetables for these lunches and portions them all out for the week. So when she puts together lunch boxes the night before, all she literally has to do is pull a little baggy out and through it in the lunch box. I am in awe. And she does this every week. So my goal is to become more like Katy in this regard. My thought is, if I can get in this kind of routine before I have children... well transition of little ones will be that much easier. I have a ways to go, I know. But I think this week has been a good start to this goal.

Oh! I am also writing down all of our most-used products, brand names and all, as I go grocery shopping. I will consolidate this all into a master list, and as I use up items out of the fridge, pantry, etc. I will check it off on my list... One more way to make my life organized!!

I spent much of my adolescent years hearing of the return of Christ. Having been very close to a few of my more fanatical family members, the reality of Christ returning for his faithful was ever present. A normal part of conversation, even. “Well when the Lord returns…” As though he were a friend on extended holiday. Christian singers sang about it. “Jesus is coming, people be ready…” Conversations about what it would be like… “If I am driving will my car go off the road?” “Will I just vanish or will I float to heaven?” It was constant in my face that Jesus was coming to rapture me, as a believer, ANY DAY NOW. That Jesus was going to return was a REALITY.

I was essentially taught to look forward with great relief of that day. People talked about how they couldn’t wait to be rid of this evil world and sinful body. It was supposed to be rapturous to be with Christ. Except that I resented it… It was supposed to take place any day now, and yet I couldn’t stop myself from feeling that I would be missing out on things in this life. I would never reach past these early awkward teen years. I would never grow real breasts. I would never experience love, or marriage, or parenthood. I secretly resented it. Secretly, because if brought those thoughts up I would be reminded that the love of Christ would be so wonderful I wouldn’t even think about those other things; they would become inconsequential. So I really shouldn’t worry about it now. I was being rather selfish to care more about my own life than to want to be for all eternity with my Lord and maker. Selfish. So I spent my adolescence not thinking past a couple more years… I didn’t think I had a future to really be that vested in. I was selfish. And resentful. I resented that God would take from me my chance to be a mother. Why couldn’t he wait a few more years? But even a few more years seemed like eternity. Armageddon was destined to take place whether I was ready or not. Armageddon didn’t care if I was a mother yet.

A couple decades have gone by now since I was a naïve, gullible young teen. My dream of being a mother hasn’t changed. My beliefs of Christ and Armageddon and the rapture have all changed dramatically. It’s all taken way too factually. For now I know that Armageddon was never a literal thing, rather a figurative event; a figurative event that is now taking place in my womb. The battle between good and evil. The battle between life and non-life. The battle between fertility and infertility. It is all the same battle. And, as the clock of Christ’s return has been replaced with the biological clock, the question still remains of whether or not I will have time to become a mother.

I have 2 confessions. First- I am totally obsessed with watching shows like Real Housewives... of the OC, of the big A, of the hotlanta... And shows like Life in the Fab Lane, Jon&Kate (she is amazing!), La Ink, Girls Next Door, and every other "reality" shows that depict women as the impossible ideal of womanhood in our century. Women who are motivated, powerful, hustle that dollar, glamorous, mothers, wives, in control of their fast lives. Who find their inner talent and capitalize on it. They are involved in everything from real estate to tattooing; from fashion to mothering. Who succeed in the boardroom, bedroom, classroom. These women are perfectly beautiful and toned. Their nails are always done. Their homes are perfectly kept; mostly by their housekeepers, of course, but some are just that organized. They have these totally amazing lives.


Confession number two: I want to be one when I grow up. They are the epitome of how I imagine how my life should be. I want to always look my best. I want endless amount of energy and consistent drive that leads me to making loads of dough. I want my passions to make me money. I want my home perfectly organized and sparkling clean. I want to be svelte and perfectly toned. I want my nails always done and my hair always sexy. I want a big, beautiful home and a luxury car. I want the beautiful children and amazing vacations. I want the brand names and gorgeous clothes. But I think it's the drive that what I want most. Because, depsite their inevitable faults, they have the energy and motivation and determination that I seem to be lacking. What I am most envious of, is the inner strength that propels you to make your own dreams come true...

Well. Here we are. I am guessing I should start my blog by explaining why I want to start a blog. To tell you the truth, I don't have a clear reason, a clear vision, a clear theme. I've thought about it for months. Perhaps, part of my reason is simply to jump on the blogwagon. Perhaps I feel the need for an open forum to explain myself, explore myself, expose myself. A way to say to the world in written word, what I never seem to be able to say out loud. Perhaps I need a way review and understand my history. Or delve into the depths of my emotions. Or, maybe, I just want to write... About silly things. Trivial and mundane. Creative and inspired things.
Hmm... I guess we shall see how this blog takes form.