A Gemini's Life

The past couple days I have felt anxious, scared, excited, nervous, thrilled, panicky, giddy. All at the same time. I find out in a few days if the in vetro has worked and whether or not I am pregnant. I'm scared to allow myself to feel too excited, to feel pregnant. 100 "what-if's" run through my head. I get worried that I might do something to impede the embryos from implanting. I had a bite of chocolate the other day (caffeine is a no-no), did I laugh to hard during that movie, was that too heavy to lift?? I am so terrified that I am going to do something that will screw up my embryos chances of surviving and thriving. While talking to my Aunt Christine, it dawned on: this feeling that I am going to do something to screw up my (potential) child will never go away. Welcome to parenthood? 

But that is assuming I am pregnant in the first place. Sometimes I could swear I am. My boobs hurt. I'm soooo tired. And cranky. And weepy. And I get these overwhelming feelings of happiness and love. And I swear I had heartburn yesterday (could have been the bites of chili peppers quesadilla I had). But is all this in my imagination because I have heard countless women recall their own experiences?

It's easy to say  "just think positive." I try. and, honestly, I mostly do really well in staying positive. But I also don't want to be in denial by not acknowledging all the thoughts roaming around in my heart. In the meantime, I am keeping myself busy with a variety of projects at home and with the business.